Women all around the world, battle with themselves about whether their desire to have it all is a frivolous plea.
Most times when the thought crosses their mind their inner voice brashly responds with, “don’t be ridiculous, you cannot live your dream life, have a family and a successful career”.
To me, the desire to live a full life does not seem a tad unreasonable. After all, is that not the very reason for our existence, to play full out?
The small thinking mindset of society has contributed to the doubts that have taken real estate in our minds. For some, it is still a woman’s role to put her family first, whilst others are more accepting to a woman having a career, or worse leading the c-suites, or a woman who chooses not to have children at all, as her preference is to contribute through other realms of humanity. We all have different value systems and what may be valued by you may not be someone else’s priorities. The moment this is accepted the quicker the reality of what you can accomplish surfaces.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
Hear my voice, I am one of those women, who knows and believes that she can have it all: the career, the family, traveling the world, helping others, and retiring early.
I intend to live, play the game of life infinitely. A mogul; being happy and dominating my life.
There is nothing preventing any other woman to believe and acquire the same. What your heart and mind believe; you will achieve.
It may not come easy, there will be bumps in the road, you will be judged, you will be challenged, but your will for success, and determination will see you through.
Over the years, I have learned from many founders, CEOs, and successful entrepreneurs how they achieve everything they want.
Here are the secrets to having it all.
Demoting the inner voice
The first thing you should work on is taking back the power of your inner voice, only allowing her to speak when she has something positive to contribute to your life.
She has been with you from day one, she knows you better than anyone and, in the past, you gave her the authority to speak up even if it was at the detriment of your progress.
Honestly, she means no harm, she understands your fears and is really trying to protect you from those fears. Take some time and have a conversation with her, firstly thanking her for her support over the years and the years to come. Apologize for the ill things you have said to her in the past and then explain your new trajectory of life is to not be crippled by fear but to face it. Let her know that you are regaining your powers and will not be tolerating any negative language from her. Tell her you appreciate her cheering you on and going forward, only when she can contribute positively will you elevate her voice.
Knowing what you want and why you want it
The most important factors to achieving everything you want are knowing exactly what you want and being able to articulate it confidently.
Imagine dining at a restaurant, without looking at the menu you order fish. The waiter takes your order, smiles, and leaves. Thirty-five minutes later he returns with your meal perfectly garnished and fragrant. You are eager to dig in but on inspection you were served raw fish marinated in an ingredient allergic to you.
How do you feel right now? Not too good right?
Had you taken the time to look at the menu and precisely order your meal, the emotions engulfed within would have been avoided. Consider the time wasted and the expense incurred by you, as the restaurant did not absorb the cost of your negligence.
This is exactly what happens in life. You are responsible for your life and its outcome. You cannot depend on others to feed you.
You say you want something but what is expressed is vague and left to be assumed by the recipient including yourself. Not clearly knowing and stating what you want will lead you down the wrong path, position you wrongfully or in the case of the restaurant leave you starved.
Successful people know what they want and because of such they are fully aware of the directions to get there. In addition, they know why they want it, which is equally as important for moments when they feel demotivated to continue, challenged, or even when other tasks are competing for their attention.
Because they know what they want and why they want it, their decisions and actions are deliberate and decisive.
Having an open abundant mindset
The power of our thoughts is usually overlooked by many. What you think directly influences your behavior which influences the outcome of your life. As described by the late Mahatma Gandhi, “a man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes.”
The same is true with our words, the tongue has the power of life and death.
Swap, it’s hard, I can’t, it’s not for me, why does this always happen to me, and any other adverse language from your dictionary with “I do hard things”, I can, I am worthy of this, what can I learn from this situation.
In every situation despite how dark, craft an affirmative.
Having an open abundant mindset allows for a pause and helps to apply perspective in every situation. From conversations with successful people, circumstances do not stop them. When things go contrary to plan, they assess it from all angles and choose to see the glass half full instead of half empty. They do not dismiss that the glass is half empty, because it is, they just focus on the positive of the situation instead of the negative.
With an open abundant mindset, you do not live in scarcity worrying about the things you do not have, instead direct your energies to what you do have.
Live in gratitude, live beyond limits.
See yourself as limitless and explore all possibilities. Condition your mind to see and believe that you have achieved what you want to achieve.
Your mind will propel you into action. You control the nature of that action.
As you thinketh, so shall it be.
Having an action plan
To go and not know how to get there is the equivalent of going nowhere.
Once you have a vivid description of where you are going, the immediate step after is determining your starting point, followed by assessing all the steps needed to get you there. This is where introspection begins, and you evaluate where you are to where you would like to be.
What skills do you need? Who can you learn from that has done this before? The best teachers are those that have already experienced what you want, not those that teach from a text. Success leaves clues.
Ask yourself, what do you need to shift around or delete from my calendar to implement your plan?
The idea is to close the gaps. It can be a tedious task but failing to plan is planning to fail which is the opposite of having it all.
Plus, if you do not have a plan for yourself then be prepared to be a part of someone else’s plan.
Being hungry – no is not an option
As one of my favorite inspirational speakers Les Brown will say “you gotta be hungry”.
To have it all you must be prepared for the obstacles, the falls, and the ridicule from others when they lack understanding of your plan, or they are ignorant of your progress. Being hungry means dismissing their noise and moving forward despite the odds.
Being hungry means that you are not going to let ‘no’ cripple you. According to Les, ‘no’ should motivate you to continue because you are determined to make it and believe in your heart that you can make it. A ‘no’ is just a setback for a comeback. It is not meant to be taken personally; it is just an indicator that your strategy must change.
If the result is worth it to you, it is worth the discipline, it is worth the sweat and probably tears.
Victory comes to those who rally through turmoil.
Be trustworthy to yourself
Let’s be real, if you are unable to trust yourself, how can you expect others to trust you?
Two questions each of us should ask frequently:
One: “self, can I trust you”
Two: “self, can others trust you”
To answer those questions, you must first assess yourself.
Do you keep your promises to yourself?
Are you accountable?
Can others rely on you?
Are you credible? What are your results thus far?
What are your character traits?
You must be prepared to face the truth and be truly honest with yourself, at first you may feel belittled by your answers but identifying your capabilities and your limitations is the only way of closing the gap and becoming better. The reality of having it all is living a life away from self-deceit.
Never stop learning
Once you stop learning, you start to die – Albert Einstein
Commit yourself to be a lifelong learner. School ends but learning never ceases.
Irrespective of the field you are in, change is inevitable and there is always a better, faster, easier way of doing something.
Also, learning from others outside your niche provides perspective. You never know what you don’t know.
The only way to grow is to learn.
Start with a clean slate and forget what you already know. Operate as if you are a beginner in the field. You will be pleasantly surprised by the new learnings you will gain when you condition your mind to relearn.
Be prepared to fail
I am sure you have heard this thousands of times, failing is part of the journey. To make it easier to cope with, in advance you prepare for it.
Preparing for it does not mean letting your guard down and becoming complacent. Preparing for failure means accepting that when it happens you know you did your best and you welcome the lesson that comes with it.
If you think about it, with the new lesson learned you are now better than you were yesterday placing you at an advantage over many others.
The idea of failing is not to mull over it. The benefit to you is to manage the emotions that come from the failure and spring back up putting the lesson into action.
Failure does not derail you, sitting in the negativity does.
As Jeff Bezos says, “failure and inventions are inseparable twins”.
Without the possibility of failure, there is no possibility of having it all.
Be prepared for every opportunity
The dream to have it all, once actively pursued, will eventually transition into your reality. But hear this, you’ve got to be prepared because you never know when opportunity will knock.
Being prepared means showing up and behaving in a manner as if you have already accomplished your dreams. How you dress, speak, think, your activities, totally full-bodied.
Being prepared means studying those who have accomplished what you wish to accomplish and emulating them. Knowing undoubtedly the roads that must be traveled if you are called unexpectedly.
Ask yourself:
What direct and indirect skills do I need to improve on?
What should my mental and physical capacity be?
Is my appearance fitting for the role I wish to have?
Let’s say it is your dream to become an actor in a leading role in an upcoming blockbuster movie. The first step to getting that role is believing you can get it; the second step is knowing the character of the person you wish to play inside out that the casting director must question whether you wrote the script or lived the life of the person before. The third is, to be it until you become it. Some may say fake it until you make it but the word ‘fake’ sends the wrong message of you being someone you don’t want to be when it’s the total opposite.
I once heard a story about this village that was experiencing drought for weeks, their crops were dying, and daily living became a nightmare.
One Sunday, the pastor asked the congregation if they believed that if they prayed long and hard enough God would bless them with water. The entire congregation shouted yes!! The pastor was pleased with the response, and he planned for a day of prayer the following Sunday.
Sunday came and the villagers were excited, the church was packed because everyone believed in the mission.
The pastor got to the pulpit and while observing his congregation he asked again, “do you truly believe that if we prayed for water God will send the rain?” The congregation echoed yes pastor, yes. The pastor responded ‘then why am I not seeing any raincoats or umbrellas? If you truly believed it would rain, how come you did not come prepared for it?”
The moral of the story is you never know when the opportunity will come but you do have to live in anticipation of it.
Helping others
Adopting a lifestyle that revolves around helping others first will be the basis for accomplishing all you want.
This does not mean being a people pleaser where you say yes to things that sacrifice your beliefs and value system or doing stuff for people to like you.
It simply means in everything you do; always think about adding value to the lives of others.
How can you make their experience better?
How can you make them look good?
How can you be of service to them?
The extravagance of helping others is not necessary, it is not meant to be a financial burden to you or cause you any discomfort.
The only requirement is to be genuine. In return, people feel loved and cared for and in most cases, your actions are reciprocated. Helping others allows you to operate from a place of richness. Your mind is open to boundless possibilities and you become engulfed with the feeling of fulfillment and in doing so the universe rewards you.
“You can have everything you want if you will just help other people get what they want” – Zig Ziglar
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale
